Monday, 16 February 2015

The Pub Fight Stories 1 - A Dream Photoshopped.


I did post that I'd like to imagine and feature Mandy against Portia in a gloved fight, so this post will take time to create and requires returning for updates in the future. I start with the stare-downs to inspire me: the dark look helps. I have no idea if they actually would box but after their stand-up cat-fight, maybe.

The dream began:-

Portia is the English Midlands Light-weight Pub Champion but she refused to put her title on the line simply because she didn't think Mandy was deserving enough, having beaten her in a previous fight.

( Lean, angular Mandy ( right ), her cat-fight performances have inspired me and I just became a fan of hers without second thoughts while curvy Portia would just have to bat her eyes at me and I'd be enslaved.)

The stare-downs fierce before they make ready to don the gloves. 

Whirling from reality these two got into these stare-downs as they were in the dressing room to get ready. What you can't tell from the pics is- were they totally naked? Of course they were, it was a dream: while I can't show you that, they were getting in the mood for the fight.

These two posed in boxing gloves before their cat-fight. I think they liked the feel of the gloves so perhaps I imagined the words. Some of you won't believe it: see if I care.

That was a challenge, wasn't it? By hook or by uppercut let the leather fly.

Interviewed before touching gloves, Portia was full of confidence answering questions from the sponsors and her answer was ' I know I can beat her, the skills I've got will be too much for her. She has zero chance.'

Mandy didn't duck the questions and her answers were, indignantly ' I'm not too old to take her on ' and with a smile ' I don't really know but when I slip these gloves on I feel a huge buzz. Is that baaaad? ' When pressed about Portia's title...' Not a problem she'll have to put it up next time, after I beat her.'

The ladies are almost ready to embark on the big fight. The pub is packed with bodies and the bets are being screamed between the punters with most of the money going on Portia who, it appears from her statements apparently has previous training, although some thought this was rumoured deliberately by Mandy's supporters.

BFuk has the contract for the fight and are all set to record but they had to set up a live feed to the bar from the fight room where the girls and their seconds were readying. 

Speculation has it that there is an ongoing feud between the girls after a cat-fight and since Portia had beaten Mandy in a close slugging slap-fight she had been boasting of her success and Mandy had, after a public argument in this very pub, challenged Portia to a fight of any kind. Portia suggested wearing fighting gloves and the only rule was ' no biting.'

No bigger than fifteen feet by twelve the fight room had little room for running - roped off at one end while the referee and the seconds are not allowed beyond.

A deathly hush descends over the pub as Mandy is seen punching air in practice as the bell sounds for the first round.

Mandy cagily shuffles to the centre of the room, Portia is already three quarters way going for left and right body shots into Mandy's ribs.

Defensively Mandi covers up as Portia aims kicks into her thighs and calves, her attention downstairs while Mandy siezes her opening with a magnificent chin shot.


The sweat sprays from Portia's hair: the fight room is like a sauna and the girls are already sweating buckets. Mandy is about to follow through but is warned off by the official and a count is begun while the seething pub erupts.

Portia shakes her head and beckons Mandy into her range before the mandatory count ends.

Photo shot taken from TV screen in pub because my finger wasn't ready. Thank goodness somebody was on the ball. Thank you... whoever.

Mandy weaves her way forward and it looks to me as if Portia is wobbling.

She goes in high with her right foot and catches a sluggish Portia deep in the belly, forcing her backwards. She covers up as Mandy looks for a telling punch past Portia's defence with some success as the bell sounds.

Portia returns to her corner, her left eye smarting and discoloured

while Mandy smiles broadly as her second congratulates her for her able performance. It looks as if Mandi has the punch to make a difference.


Mandy comes out for the second round confident but again she is flat-foot caught, Portia swings a heavy kick into her stomach. 

Mandy covers up, bent over while Portia lands heavy kicks to her lower legs and abdomen.

The kicks are hurting and Mandy doesn't seem able to cover up effectively as an excited Portia switches and lands punch after punch to Mandi's head.

Mandy is down for a count, blood dripping from her nose, pooling on the canvas floor, while Portia kisses her glove and raises her arms.

Mandy raises her head and stares at her corner in disbelief, her second gets next to her ' You'll never live it down ' he screams in her ear making sure he is heard over the tumult from the bar.

She slowly rises and an eager Portia goes for the finish but Mandy gets close and ties Portia in a strong clinch. The girls do the clinch dance with Portia trying to bang in the punches and Mandy trying to get her bearings.

End of the round with Portia eagerly listening to her second, Mandy, in a daze needs attention to her bleeding nose. Her second tries to lift her spirits with encouraging words.


Portia gets right into Mandy's body at the bell with glove and foot but Mandi's flat firm stomach holds steady. She retaliates with a kick as Portia bangs in a hard right catching her forehead.

Mandy goes on the attack looking for revenge with rights and lefts, close in, to prevent Portia from kicking.

Cleverly, Portia siezes the back of Mandy's neck pulls her close and knees her stomach and ribs repeatedly.

Mandy's hands now low and without cover, her face gets two wicked elbow shots from Portia forcing Mandy to break away, she is injured as Portia sets for another onslaught.


The clinch is a must for Mandy as she grabs Portia's waist and the slow dance begins to wait for the end of the round.

In frustration, Portia head butts Mandy on the side of the head and she staggers away at the sound of the bell. Almost unrecognisable: Portia now cut on the lip and a bruised eye and Mandy's nosebleed has restarted, both eyes bruised and her nose looks a bit crooked. 

I hear Mandy's second tell her 'She's using everything in the book of no rules. You ain't.' ( He's a Yank? ) ' You cannot win unless you use your head to find everything you've got. Find a pattern. You hear me? ' He yells.

Mandy resignedly hauls herself up to get the fourth round underway.

Seeing Portia approach firms up Mandy's attention; she starts with a definite pattern, kicking low, solid firm punches to the body, shifting to the head with superb combinations, while a puzzled Portia needs all her effort to defend but that's a slippery slope, when Mandy crowns her effort with a knee to the crotch.

Would you believe it, I'm sure Mandy apologises as Portia staggers, almost going down.


Mandy's focus is on a railway track until a desperate Portia clinches, gripping the back of her head to bring Mandy's face to a raised knee. Spludge! That was wet. Adrenalin streaks into Portia who is about to vent her aching spleen but she's overshot the bell as Mandy's second ducks the rope and pulls Portia away.

Both seconds are arguing as the girls are led back to their respective corners.

Mandy does not want to sit, she is so mad; after the briefest of attention from her second she waits for the bell mouthing words at Portia: despite a good knee to the face Portia lost that round to Mandy who wants more payback.

Portia's second tells her to keep cool, that she'll have a good round because Mandy is mad angry. 

Mandy's intuitive second indicates a problem to the officials and the bar crowd go mental, the howls and fighting breaking out, heard in the adjacent fight room. I figure he wants extra time-out so Mandy cools. He points out a problem with the girls shorts, that the colours are running. Both girls agree to remove their shorts to get on with the fight.

Having to strip down weakens Portia's attention and she takes a solid uppercut to the chin which is the best punch ever, Mandy could bring; Portia wavers, her eyes look puzzled, sinking to her knees, trying to focus on Mandy's face. Mandy is ecstatic, the fight looks over as the count begins. If a pin were dropped in the bar it would be heard.

Would you believe it, in the middle of the count Mandy, in a rush of desperation, punches and kicks Portia while her bum is touching floor. ' Get right down, bitch ' she shouts.

The seconds are in there quickly pulling Mandy off while the official suspends the fight and the bedlam reaches riotous proportions in the bar.

The official finally gets the crowd's attention and asks the committee members to meet in the fight room to make a decision regarding the rules infringement by Mandy.

Mandy waits patiently for the committee's decision while Portia gets treatment from her second. The committee reaches a democratic decision and explains the options to Mandy.

Disqualification or retribution. She agrees on retribution from Portia rather than disqualification which is a brave move and indicates her determination to close the fight win or lose.

It's a 20 second penalty as Mandy's second leads her aching body to the centre of the room and tells her to kneel. ' You listening ' She nods. ' She gets free kicks and punches at you for 20 seconds, you gotta take a few but take a count to get rid of the penalty,' he wisely suggests.

Portia looks suitably indignant and recharged at the thought of finishing the fight at the penalty stage. 

Portia rushes at Mandy when the bell is sounded aiming as Mandy ducks and sways...two...getting hit but not badly...three...Portia realises her mistake and uses her legs...four...a knee to the head...five...a kick to ribs...six...a big kick to the brutal back elbow swipe to the face...eight...Mandy sags to the floor as a frustrated Portia is halted.

The count continues, at ...15...unbelievably Mandy struggles rise and gets...17... to her ...18...knees...19...again. Portia tries to land a final kick at the uncomprehending Mandy ...20...but loses her balance, falling against Mandi bringing both to the floor.

The bell sounds but they lie there,  breasts to breasts, thighs to thighs, sweat and blood mingling from tired bodies. I hear Portia exclaim,' Hey: this is weird ! ' but a dazed Mandy holds on to Portia, grateful for the welcome break. Their seconds help them to their feet and to their corners.

Portia is now favourite to win and her supporters are rubbing their hands with glee. Mandy's second is effusive in congratulating her for her stoic handling of the penalty infringement but looking at her, he sees, like I do, a wreck: not that Portia looks much better but she still seems to have a good round left in her while Mandy, I fear, does not, I'll be very surprised if she lasts the next round.

And that's how it seems, Mandy trying to wrap her arms around Portia in a clinch and Portia using her knees to destroy the muscle protection of Mandy's belly: Mandy's feet unhinging at times, clinging tightly on to Portia's neck, in fact the weight of Mandy hanging on is draining Portia's energy: Portia weakly tries to dislodge Mandy but she's too tired and both fall to the floor.

Now a writhing heap of sweaty limbs and bodies the ladies tangle on the floor. Looking at the official's face it occurs to me he had done nothing about Mandy hanging on to Portia the way she had, presumably he thought her unable to fight so he had not asked for a separation.

I had other thoughts on the matter because Mandy was giving as good as she was getting on the floor, including a head butt on Portia.

The bell sounds to end the fourth round and Mandy surprisingly up first, leaves Portia on her knees. The bar crowd, for the first time actually applaud the two girls after the round and taking into consideration they had gone a distance in fight terms not previously achieved in female pub fights, as I was later informed, had elicited their praise.

I found it difficult to look at the girls as they were in such a mess but it did look as if Mandy had perked up a little just as Portia was struggling to breathe, looking distressed, her second trying valiantly to convince her the fight was hers.

Looking exhausted, Portia, her eyes half-shut from punching, maybe didn't hear her second's words ' Finish her off ' made the effort to raise her gloves and Mandy, one eye completely shut, keeping her gloves low, circling Portia who kicked out at Mandy's leg. Head down, Mandi went in low driving Portia against the wall with a jarring thump.

She stood back and let go a long straight left catching a rebounding Portia, whose defence was a fraction too slow, on the face.

Portia, on her way to the floor scrabbling to hold on to Mandy's waist, her head now vulnerable.

Seizing her chance Mandy holds Portia's head steady,  the hard vicious right and a knee strike into Portia's face lay her flat on the floor: a knockout.

Declared the winner after the count, Mandy was hustled out of the arena quickly while Portia was carried out. 

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